I went for the first time to Winchester torch light parade, it was huge beyond what I could really of have imagined. There must have been thousands of people there, it gave a real atmosphere to to walking with them all.
Category Archives: Blog
I hit the gym again for the first time today, Its a nice place cheap with lots of equipment. only about 2 miles from my house so I can drop by in the mornings before work.
This morning I ran… and I ran and I ran. It was beautiful, I forgot how nice it feels, I set the treadmill as fast as I could cope with and left there as long as possible. I nearly fainted at the end, I could feel my self getting dizzy.
I feel proud of me.
I also owe my girlfriend one for giving me a kick up the backside to go
Isn’t it weird how every emotion fades except embarrassment? It gets less frequent, but when you remember it, it’s as fresh as when it happened.
This is not really a blog anymore, for it to be a blog people would have to read it, so its more of a diary but anyway I feel I should mention intresting things on it from time to time.
I am learning circus tricks! I can now do quite a few tricks with Devil sticks ( AKA Flower Sticks ) and I know one whole contact juggling trick 😀
I think im the opposite of eveyone else.
I like monday mornings, I have just had a good weekend, oftern spend time with friends or better my girlfriend. I have had lots of sleep and I am ready to tackle the world again.
I like mondays, its fridays, after I have been working all weeknd and im tired and warn out I dont like.
Hmmm, I am a little odd 😛
Sometimes an an act or an action can exist twice, or three times, even though it only happens once. That is that different people perceive it so differently that it is not even the same act.
An example of this is my uncle would bring me fireworks as a child, me and my mum were too poor to afford them. I talked to him recently he said he just liked an excuse to set some off, and while he might have been ebing humble. He has NO idea how much they had meant to me, I would spend the whole month looking forward to them, asking my mum if he was coming yet.
The same with a local Circus society thats taken me in, even though its sort of against the rules. Its very lonely here in a new city, were I have not really made friends yet, but I look forward to being able to hang with a bunch of nerds for a few hours every week a hell of a lot more than I think they realize.
My point is two fold, the obvious one:
People don’t always realize how much something simple they do means to you.
The second, is a equally obvious extension:
There is probably something you do, that means more to someone that you realize.
Its really easy to blog about your troubles, sometimes you forget to blog when they get better.
Life is good, I am good, I am alive and confidant again. I feel happy, people react to be like they used to, my girlfriend cuddles me like I am her rock, her big stong man that she never wants to let go of, and that is a perfect feeling.
I met some people for the first time a few days ago, and all they wanted to know was was ‘When are we going to see you again? ‘
I don’t need people all the time, I stand on my own now. Confidant and happy.
Sure my life could still be better.
Portsmouth is still kind of lonely
My job could be more exciting.
and my Girlfriend beats me a laser Tag.
But those are small things life is good again, and I want to keep it this way. So time for lots of projects, meeting up with friends, playing with toys and all the other stuff that makes me a more awesome Gwilym,
Thank Nikki, you where the Sam to my Frodo on this Journey. I will never forget your support.
I posted a couple of weeks ago about happiness.
I am getting there, I am getting happier all the time. I must always recognize how far I have come in a short time.
I have defiantly come this far, I am no longer the constantly sulky pseudo-child I was 2 months ago.
Happiness, true lightness of the heart comes and goes, I want it back so badly. Its painful to realize sometimes how far I have to go. Its particularly painful to see people react to me so differently. I remember when I was happy, people would be excited to do things with me, they would ask if I could stay just 5 more minutes. Peoples lives where better when I was there.
This does not really happen anymore, I am pleasant to be around, I can tell people enjoy my company, but I don’t think anyone is really excited to see me, or disappointed to see me go, or at least not most of the time. It is particularly hard to see with my girlfriend sometimes, I remember when she would hang on to my coat tales just to spend 10 more minutes talking and laughing with me. I want that back more than anything, in the whole wide world.
The difference is between me being truly happy, sting and confidant, and when I am just not-sad.
But still, I have only been pulling my shit together again for less than 2 months, and its has not exactly been a stress free, easy-to-deal with environment, so I have to give it time. Most of all I have to keep working at it, this is something I have earn, I have to build, not something that will come if I wait long enough.
I want to be happy again, I will be happy again. New job, more hobbies on the side, finding friends and colleagues, and a constant reminder in my head to look on the bright side, this is how I will do it.
Im a more than a little scarred, of falling into a comma, of letting my childish ways, and my dreams slide away. Of looking back in twenty years, and going “Shit what the hell happened, where did my life go”.
I am scarred of becoming 9-5 guy. Sometimes after days and days at the office, I end up feeling less alive…
So I try and find more and more things to do that make me feel MORE alive. I feel my most alive when I am with my girlfriend, I feel like my soul is on fire. I feel alive when I am spending time with my friends, and when I am doing silly geeky stuff, or building little projects.
This is why I go to work in a suit, but have a comic book bag, and spiderman socks. They are reminders all the time of who I really am. I am scarred stiff of the day when I chosse the senible bag, not the cool one.
When I turn down the star trek duvet for one that matches the curtains. They day I just dont care about playing games, or want to just fall aleep in front of the TV night after night.
I dont want to slip into a comma, so I guess I have to keep finding new ways to feel alive… Find more friends, join more socities, keep working on my dreams, go on amazing advetures with my girlfriend.
If I want to stay alive, and awake. I have to do it.
Okay, so I’m listening to Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Fire Again.
It reminded me of a question I have always wanted answered. Who owns the riddle house?
“The wealthy man who owned the Riddle House these days neither lived there nor put it to any use; they said in the village that he kept it for “tax reasons”, though nobody was very clear what these might be. The wealthy owner continued to pay Frank to do the gardening, however.”
This always seemed a little odd to me, a bit like it was covering something up which was later to be revealed… So lets look at the three broad possibilites.
1) A muggle does actually own it.
Why? Okay for “Tax” reasons. Then why have Frank tend the ground? surly the wage of a man for an entire year has to offset any profit from tax evasion.
2) Voldemort or one of his Death Eaters owns it.
Voldemort was ashamed of his half-blood nature, and would want to keep it hidden so would not want to the house preserved, he would want it DESTROYED like his farther. He certainly would not want his Death Eaters to know he was half-blood. Then yet again why pay frank?
3)Another Wizard owns it.
This is my personal favorite idea. I admit it has more romance to it than logic, but I like to think Dumbledore owned it. He knew Voldemort’s real name, and would have had a keen interest in Voldemort’s past. He would have known frank did not commit that murder.
A big reason I fight off the other two ideas is why would you pay a man to tend the garden, and let the house to ruin?
UNLESS! unless you purpose is too look after an elderly gardener, who lives an un-desurved life of blame, and you know him to be innocent… Sound Dumbledore like to you? Its what I like to believe…