Category Archives: Blog

Run off my Feet.

I forgot how much I love be be run of my feet.

Like everyone else I don’t like stress, but I think work and challanges are sort of like oxygen.

You need some to keep going, a little bit extra from time to time can give you a burst of energy and an uplift, but there is a critical line where it becomes stress. It overwhelms you, and runs you down.

But living on the line, having so much to do that your not quite sure you can do it, but you somehow get it all done. That can be immensely fulfilling at least to a certain type of person. Because if you achieve it, or even most of it, or even just try your best and fail, you know deep down you pushed your self to the limit, and you can be proud of your self.

I like being run off my feet, I might complain, but really I feel more alive than ever, and don’t let me ever tell you different.


I have always told people happiness is there own responsibility.  No matter what happens in the world, it your own and no-one else s responsibility to make you happy.

I hit a bit of a snag with this one in my life, I found someone was was willing to the take responsibility for my happiness from me, and I let them. As life got increasingly worse over the last few months, I stopped relying on my self, and started relying on them. It  was sort of okay to rely on them, because life was a bit to much for me to cope with at times. It was not okay to stop relying on my self, and to keep dumping stuff on them.

It ended up with me relying on them now, when I should be dealing with a lot of stuff on my own. When I could deal with this stuff on my own, but I have got too used to relying on them, that it was just instinct to drop it on their shoulders.

This put too much on her shoulders, and it was not fair, and I know she will be reading this soon. So I am sorry. I could write something longer, and fully of more fancy words but when it comes down to it. I am sorry.

It soured our relationship too, it became victim and rescuer, instead of the love and respect of partners.

I owe her a lot, for shouldering all that burden for me.

Then for kicking my ass, before it did too much damage to our relationship.

So from here on out it time to say ‘I want to be happy again, I WILL be happy again, and its got to be me who takes care of that.’

I think its also long past time for ‘Hey beautiful, that load looks kinda heavy, let me share it’


My girlfriend compained I have not written anything here for a while. Maybe I will start again, when I feel inspired.

But for the monument. Go check her website out ( As I build it )


There are three types of people in the world.

Most are the first type, those who spend too much time looking after themselves, a lot are the second, which spend to much time looking after others.

I aim to be part of the rare third, those who find a few people and take the best care of them, then spend the rest of my time looking after me.


I was talking to my girlfriend recently and I told her I was a pantheist (the view that the Universe (or Nature) and God  are identical.), and we came to a little trouble, as I tried to explain why its different from Atheism.

What is different is that I experience Numinous

Numinous: that which indicates or suggests the presence of a divinity

I experience Numinous when I realize that world is linked together by a few important numbers such as pi , e and phi

I experience these feelings when I lay on the  green grass looking up at the blue summer sky as I felt the warm embracing sun on face

When I consider objects such as the Great Attractor a concentration of mass equivalent to tens of thousands of Milky Ways, sitting out in space.

From the most bright star, to the way springs work, or electrons whirl about, maths, biology, physics and chemistry.

The beauty in all its elegant connections.

Numinous! This is what I feel, this is why I have no choice but to think of my universe as my god.


Imagine a government where they can read your thoughts, they know all your secret desires, and everything you do.

At the end of your life, if you supported the government they give you an immortal body, incapable of feeling sadness.

If you didn’t, they make you exist in perpetual pain,.

Sound good?

Because apparently thats how the God works according to many…


I don’t like to be called ‘Doctor’… When they began handing out doctorates for comparative folk-dancing and advanced fly fishing, I became too stinkin’ proud to use the title. I won’t touch watered whiskey and I take no pride in watered-down degrees.

-Jubal Harshaw in Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Anson Heinlein

This  expresses sentiment that I have felt for quite a while, as often happens when I quote I want to talk in the same theme but not quite the same topic.

I want to talk about the people who are stealing my degree. The ones who got into university with the DDE they achieved at A-level. It offends me that they are on a course that results in a Degree. The reasons being that it says their qualification is equal to mine.

That is robbery, when they say that a degree where students do not have to learn ideas that I got to grips with at 11, until their second year of university is the equal of mine ( this course has beginners HTML in second year as a major part of the course). They are robbing my degree(and ergo me) of the work that went into it, and the appreciation of complex concepts we learnt, and others did not.

I dont want my degree, not when the word is a joke. I want the respect I have earned.


Grok means to understand so thoroughly that the observer becomes a part of the observed

– Robert A. Heinlein

To grok is to intimately and completely share the same reality or line of thinking with another physical or conceptual entity. I think Groking is what comes after loving, I have run out of words for a long time about the way I feel. This is finally the word I need.

I Grok Her.

The mistakes of a child

So I was having a think about age limits, those we put on our teenagers. When they can drink, when they can drive, smoke, have sex, move out and live on their own…

I notice theses ages keep rising, I also note (if historical records are accurate) our youth are on the whole taking longer to mature than ever before.

I think I might know part of the problem:

  • As we move theses limits higher, and encourage reckless and risky actions to be avoided, we present less chances for our children to screw up.
  • I think most people will agree that mistakes allowing learning, which  in turn allows maturity to grow ( Note ‘allow’;they only offer the possibility, not the grantee).
  • Thus our children make mistakes later, and they stay children for longer.

I am worried about this for two reasons

Firstly that if the cycle continues we are going to get teenager years stretching out further and further, and the maturity at the end maybe not be as full and as rich as it could be.

Secondly the later in life we make our mistakes the more impact they generally tend to have, thus if we can allow our children to make mistakes and children they will cost less than if they make them as 20 something still teenagers.

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